Workplace Stumbling Blocks
Updated: Sep 11
I’ll never forget my first tournament as executive director of the Alberta Racquetball Association.
Players were arguing. Voices were getting louder. The tension in the club was rising.
Then a referee came storming up to the tournament desk.
“I’m not reffing those guys,” he said. “They won’t listen to me.”
He was angry, embarrassed and completely in over his head.
My first instinct was to tell him to calm down and get back in there. Then I stopped.
Years earlier, I had been the one in over my head.
I was teaching special education at a junior high school in Gibbons. I was the third teacher the students had that year. The first had gone on stress leave. The second finished her contract and left.
There was no stability. If something went sideways in my classroom, it was just me.
When I sent students to the office, they were usually sent right back. That taught the class there were no real consequences and that I had very little backup.
I remember one particularly serious incident when a student had been involved in a violent assault the night before. Later that day, I was in the hallway talking with students who were upset and trying to make sense of what had happened.
The school counsellor walked up to me and said, “Get back in the classroom and teach.”
I looked at her and said, “I can’t teach on a good day.”
I was overwhelmed. And mostly, I was on my own.
So when that referee stood in front of me years later and said, “I’m not reffing those guys,” I recognized the look on his face.
He needed help.
What's really getting in the way?
New referees were sometimes expected to officiate matches involving players who were far more experienced than they were.
The ball was moving faster. The players were more intense. The calls were harder.
And some of the referees were terrified of making a mistake, getting yelled at or looking incompetent.
It would have been easy to say they needed to toughen up.
Instead, I asked a different question:
What would make it easier for them to learn how to do this well?
That question led to the Shadow Referee Program.
We paired newer referees with experienced officials who stood beside them during matches. They didn’t take over. They were there to answer questions, model calm behaviour and help the referee learn while doing the job.
The experienced referees were happy to help. The newer referees felt supported. And the players settled down.
Some of those referees eventually became confident enough to officiate the highest-level players.
The difference wasn’t that they suddenly became better people.
They had support.
That’s the thing about workplace stumbling blocks
We often see the behaviour first.
Someone is struggling. Someone keeps making mistakes. Someone isn’t communicating well. Someone seems defensive. Someone is overwhelmed. Someone isn’t performing the way we expected.
It is easy to stop there.
But behaviour doesn’t always tell us what the stumbling block actually is.
Sometimes the person doesn’t know what to do. Sometimes expectations aren’t clear. Sometimes the skill hasn’t been taught. Sometimes the workload is unrealistic. Sometimes the process doesn’t work. Sometimes people are under so much pressure that they can barely think.
And sometimes the environment around them is making the job much harder than it needs to be.
When leaders need stronger skills in communication, coaching, conflict or feedback, those skills can be demonstrated, practiced and strengthened through leadership training.
What is a workplace stumbling block?
I think of stumbling blocks as the things that get in the way at work.
They can be:
Communication breakdowns
Conflict
Stress
Unclear expectations
Skill or knowledge gaps
Habits
Ineffective processes
Lack of support
Situations people simply don’t know how to handle yet
The important thing is to figure out what is actually getting in the way.
Because the solution depends on the stumbling block.
If the problem is a skill gap, more pressure probably won’t help. If expectations aren’t clear, telling someone to “do better” won’t give them much to work with.
If a team is stuck in conflict, avoiding the conversation usually lets it grow. And if someone is overwhelmed because they have been left alone to figure out something they were never taught, the answer may be support, coaching and practice.
Getting past the stumbling block
This is the part that matters most to me.
Finding the stumbling block is useful. Then we have to help people get past it.
That might mean having a conversation, changing a process, clarifying expectations or giving someone more support while they learn.
For teams, it can mean taking the time to work through what’s getting in the way together and build the skills to move forward.
And sometimes people simply need the chance to practice a skill, get feedback and try again.
That was the difference between my classroom in Gibbons and the Shadow Referee Program.
As a young teacher, I often felt like I was on my own. Years later, when I had the chance to support people who were learning something difficult, I built the support I wished I’d had.
That lesson has stayed with me.
When someone is struggling at work, it is worth asking:
What is getting in the way?
And then:
What would help them get past it?
Because everyone stumbles.
The important thing is what happens next.
Barbara May is a leadership communication expert, author, and the creator of Stumbling Blocks. She helps leaders and teams navigate communication breakdowns, conflict, stress and other workplace stumbling blocks so they can move forward together.
Ready to help your team get past what’s getting in the way? Explore Stumbling Blocks Team Building Seminars and Leadership Training.
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