Get Past Your Public Speaking Stumbling Blocks
Updated: Sep 11
I was teaching a public speaking workshop for a company that sells playground equipment. Part of their job was presenting to school councils—groups of parents trying to decide what kind of playground they wanted and who they should buy it from.
One of the young men got up to practice his presentation and started struggling almost immediately.
“Um … ah … um …”
His brother was sitting in the room. “You just need to tell him to stop saying um,” he said.
I stopped him. “Hang on. I don’t think that’s the problem.”
When people get nervous speaking in front of a group, they often start using crutch words—“um,” “ah,” “uh,” “you know,” “like”—to fill the silence while they figure out what to say next. But telling someone to “stop saying um” can actually make things worse. Now they’re nervous about speaking and worried about saying “um.” That gives them one more thing to think about.
What’s really getting in the way?
When people get scared, they often hold their breath. Then they start rushing, and when their brain is trying to figure out what to say next, they fill the silence.
That’s where the crutch words come in.
The word itself is usually not the real problem. The real problem is that the person is nervous, not breathing properly, and not giving themselves enough time to think about what they want to say.
So instead of focusing on the “um,” I gave him something useful to do:
Pause. Breathe. Think about what you want to say. Then say it.
Why pausing and breathing help
The first thing breathing does is help settle the body. When people are nervous, they can start to panic a little. Their breathing changes, their body tightens, and their brain speeds up.
A deliberate breath gives the nervous system a chance to settle. The pause also gives the speaker time to think about what they actually want to say.
That small moment can make a huge difference.
It reminds me of kids getting scared when they climb too high on playground equipment.
They look down, panic, and suddenly they can’t figure out what to do next.
Once they calm down enough to think, they can look around. Where does my foot go? Where is the next handhold? How do I get back down?
Public speaking can work the same way. You don’t need to fill every second. You need enough space to figure out what you want to say next.
The pause helps the listener too
There is another reason I teach people to pause: the audience needs the pause too.
When you are speaking, you already know what you want to say. The listener doesn’t. They are hearing your ideas for the first time.
A pause gives them time to absorb what you just said before you move on to the next point.
That means pausing isn’t simply a technique for managing nerves. It is part of good communication.
What happened next
We worked on slowing him down: pause, breathe, think about what you want to say, then say it.
He practiced it. I gave him feedback. He tried again.
The difference was dramatic.
His brother later wrote:
“Watching my brother go from bumbling and fumbling to a clear, concise, structured presentation made it clear how effective Barbara May's teachings are. It was a true transformation.” Mike Kuby, Playworks
The goal was never to make him sound perfect. The goal was to help him communicate clearly enough that the school council could understand what was possible and why they should choose his company.
That is what public speaking training should do.
Crutch words are often a symptom
If you find yourself saying “um,” “ah,” “uh,” “you know,” or “like” while speaking, don’t immediately make the crutch word the enemy. Ask what is happening underneath it.
Are you nervous? Are you holding your breath? Are you rushing? Are you trying to think while you speak? Are you afraid of silence?
Sometimes the best way to reduce crutch words is to stop fighting them and give yourself something better to do:
Pause. Breathe. Think about what you want to say. Then say it.
Getting past the stumbling block
Public speaking stumbling blocks can show up in all kinds of ways. You might rush, freeze, lose your place, forget what you wanted to say, fill every pause with “um,” or become so focused on getting the words right that you stop communicating with the people in front of you.
The answer is usually not “just stop being nervous.” It is to build the skills that help you manage what happens when you are nervous.
Slow down. Breathe. Think about what you want to say. Then say it.
That gives you a better chance of staying calm, speaking clearly, and helping your audience understand what you want them to know.
About Barbara May
Barbara May is a leadership communication expert, author, and the creator of Stumbling Blocks. She helps leaders and teams navigate communication breakdowns, conflict, stress and other workplace stumbling blocks so they can move forward together.
Her public speaking training focuses on practical skill development, coaching, practice and feedback to help people get past their public speaking stumbling blocks.
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